Mama
by Janime Lee
Summary: A songfic about Touma and his feelings towards his mother.


Mama This is my first attempt at a songfic. The song I have chosen is "Mama" by Metallica. I don't know why, but this song makes me feel that there's sadness deeply buried within all love.   
Disclaimer: I do not own YST or this song.

"Mama"

By Janime 

  
  


_Mama, she has taught me well_   
_Told me when I was young_   
_"Son, your life's an open book_   
_Don't close it 'fore its done_   
_The brightest flame burns quickest"_   
_That's what I heard her say_   
_A son's heart sowed to mother_   
_But I must find my way_

Touma just stared out the window as his mother drove the car.   
"Honey, are you okay?" Kari asked.   
"Hai," her ten-year-old son responded.   
"I know that you're not happy about me going on this assignment," said Kari, "but I rather leave you with your grandparents then your father."   
_ Not like he's gonna be home anyway,_ Touma thought.   
Kari pulled into the driveway; her parents were waiting by the front door. She got out of the car and Touma followed, pulling his suitcase from the backseat.   
"I'm sorry to do this to you, mom," Kari apologized.   
"It's no trouble at all, dear," Grandmother hugged her, and then opened her arms to Touma. "Now there's my grandson!"   
Touma ran to her and hugged her tightly.   
"Hey, what about me?" Grandfather asked.   
Touma hugged him and just as tight.   
"All right, Touma," Kari looked at her son, "behave yourself. I'll be back in a few weeks." She turned and went back to her car. Then drove out of sight.   
Grandmother sighed as they went into the house. Touma was immediately settled in and they spent the afternoon at the park.   
However, that night as Touma was in bed, he cried softly.   
His own mother didn't even give him a kiss goodbye.

_Let my heart go_   
_Let your son grow_   
_Mama, let my heart go_   
_Let this heart be still_   
_Yeah, still_

Touma quickly rummaged through the drawers of his dresser, pulling out various articles of clothing and stuffing them into a duffel bag. Tonight he was leaving. Shu's father was waiting outside in his van at the street corner.   
Touma's parents had another fight; his mother left and his father took his anger out on Touma. His ribs didn't hurt as much, but his left eye was starting to form a bruise. Touma licked his lips, tasting the dried blood from when his father punched him.   
After Touma's father stopped pummeling him and went to bed, Touma tended his wounds and waited a couple hours to make sure his father was asleep. Then he called Shu, apologizing for calling so late and explained his situation. Shu's parents told him that they would take Touma in and work something out if he didn't want to go back home.   
Touma finished packing as much as he could and tied the duffel bag. He carefully opened his bedroom window.   
"Touma?"   
"Shu?" he called softly.   
"C'mon, man," Shu whispered, "before that psycho wakes up."   
"Catch." Touma dropped his bag.   
His friend caught it. "Okay."   
Touma climbed out onto the small ledge. He shut the window, and lowered himself to the ground. Shu gave Touma his bag and the two young teens ran to the corner. Shu opened the side door, letting Touma in first. He climbed in and shut the door.   
"Domo arigato," Touma said.   
"Touma," said Shu's father, "anytime you need help just ask us." He started the van and drove off.

_Rebel, mind your last name_   
_Wild blood in my veins_   
_They bring strings around my neck_   
_The mark that still remains_   
_Left home at an early age_   
_Of what I heard was wrong_   
_I never asked forgiveness_   
_But what is said is done_

Touma flipped through his photo album. He smiled at the pictures of himself with his grandparents. There were very few pictures of his own parents together – by themselves or with Touma.   
Touma had long since moved out and into Nasuti's mansion. He was Tenku no Touma now, one of five Samurai Troopers with a mystic yoroi. There was some small part of him that missed his parents. They were getting a divorce and that made Touma happy. The phone rang.   
"Moshi, moshi," Touma answered. "Hi, mom. …What!? But how… I see. Hai, I'll be there soon." Numbly, Touma hung up the phone.   
Ryo walked in. "Touma, what's wrong?"   
"My father's dead," Touma said quietly.   
"What happened?"   
"An explosion at the plant. He…was burned alive." Touma stood up. "I gotta go."   
"Want one of us to go with you?"   
"No, I'll be fine."   
"You sure?" Ryo asked.   
"I'm all right." Touma quickly left the mansion and caught a bus. Heading for his mother's apartment, Touma felt an odd sense of peace come over him.

_Let my heart go_   
_Let your son grow_   
_Mama, let my heart go_   
_Let this heart be still_

_Never I ask of you_   
_But never I gave_   
_But you gave me your emptiness that I'll take to my grave_   
_Never I ask of you_   
_But never I gave_   
_But you gave me your emptiness that I'll take to my grave_   
_So let this heart be still_

Someone knocked on the door.   
"Come in," said Touma and Seiji entered.   
"You ready, Touma?" he asked.   
"No, I don't think I'd ever be ready for this."   
"I know it's tough."   
"I think fighting against Arago was easier than this," Touma forced a laugh.   
Seiji gave him a sympathetic smile. "We'll be downstairs," he said and closed the door.   
Touma picked up his jacket and put it on. He looked himself over in the full-length mirror, and for a moment didn't recognize the person staring back. He adjusted the collar of his shirt and went downstairs.

_Mama, now I'm coming home_   
_I'm not all you wished of me_   
_A mother's love for her son_   
_Spoken, help me be_   
_I took your love for granted_   
_Not a thing you said to me_   
_I needed your arms to welcome me_   
_But, a cold stone's all I see_

It was cloudy, but it didn't rain. The preacher did a wonderful sermon, but Touma barely heard the words. When the preacher finished, Touma stood up and walked over to the casket. He swallowed hard.   
"When I was ten," he began in a shaky voice, "my mother left me with my grandparents. She didn't give me a kiss goodbye; I was mad at her for that. And I'm mad at her now, because she's left me again… this time it's for the rest of my life."   
He stopped and looked at the people who had come to the funeral. He knew most of them, but his attention fell upon the ones he cared for the most: Ryo, Seiji, Shin, Shu, Kayura, Naaza, Anubis, Rajura, Nasuti, Jun and his parents.   
"I'm not just mad at her," Touma continued, "I'm also mad at myself. I knew she was sick, but I didn't see her that much when she was in the hospital. And when I did, I didn't give her a kiss goodbye. I really hate myself for that. Even though she wasn't there much for me when I was younger, I knew that she loved me. I just wish I had the chance to tell her that I loved her back."   
Touma placed his hand on the casket. "I'm sorry, mom," he said. "I love you." Touma leaned over and kissed the lid. He walked back to his seat. As Touma sat down, his friends reached out to him, giving him strength through their own special connection.

_Let my heart go_   
_Let your son grow_   
_Mama, let my heart go_   
_Let this heart be still_

Jun and his parents went home, and everybody else returned to the mansion.   
"Psycho father and careless mother," said Seiji. "Kari may have loved Touma but she had a funny way of showing it."   
"How long is he going to stay in his room?" Rajura asked.   
"I don't know," Ryo said. "Just let him have a few-"   
A crash from the floor above made everyone jump from their seats and they ran upstairs. They found Touma in his room throwing things around; he had broken the mirror.   
"Touma," said Shin, "calm down."   
"Just leave me alone!" Touma shouted, and threw the chair.   
Seiji quickly sprang and slammed Touma against the wall. Touma started to cry and he lost his balance. Seiji held onto him and they sat on the floor.   
"I'm sorry, Touma," Seiji apologized as he held his friend, rubbing his back to comfort him.   
"Why didn't I tell her?" Touma sobbed, more from his emotional grief than his physical pain.

_Let my heart go_   
_Mama, let my heart go_   
_You never let my heart go_   
_So let this heart be still_

_Never I ask of you_   
_But never I gave_   
_But you gave me your emptiness that I'll take to my grave_   
_Never I ask of you_   
_But never I gave_   
_But you gave me your emptiness that I'll take to my grave_   
_So let this heart be still_

Touma stopped crying and looked at his friends. They gave him warm, caring smiles.   
"Hey," said Seiji with a smile, "you messed up my shirt."   
"Gomen," Touma laughed and wiped his tears. "Arigato," he said, "I guess I needed some sense knocked into me."   
"Touma," Naaza said, "she knows. Even though we didn't have a chance to tell the ones we cared about, they know."   
"She does know," said Touma, "she does."   
"We'll help you clean this up," Kayura said looking at the demolished room.   
Touma smiled; glad to know that he had friends that were also his family.   
  



End file.
